Stuff Psycho People Like

It’s 9:13pm and you’ve just arrived home after a grueling day of work at the Old Butterscotch Mill.  You sweat your ass off for 12 hours today without a break, just churning and churning that goddamn butterscotch while your stupid boss sat in his little office laughing hysterically at internet jokes and eating Ritz bits™ .  Why does he get to laugh at internet jokes and eat Ritz bits™ (your favorite fucking snack!) while you must toil away on the Butterscotch X-400?  It’s complete bullshit and you know it.

But one day you will exact your revenge.

You just purchased 3-D software on your favorite webpage for your homemade computer and are teaching yourself how to use it.  And once you are the supreme master animator, you can create anything you want.  ANYTHING.  This naturally includes a Naked Ogre Man with Oversized Lips and Hands.  He might only exist on your 8.5″ monitor now, but soon he will rise from the desktop in the form of reality.  And you will have trained him.  His first order of business will be to go straight to the Butterscotch Factory where he will punch your boss in the arm and take the Ritz bits™ right out of his hands. Then he will come back home and give you the box of Ritz bits™ which you will eat, while laughing at internet jokes.

The next day your boss will fire you, but at that point it doesn’t matter anymore; you’ve accomplished everything you’d ever wanted in your life.

Tags: old timey hats, parachute pants, Planet Hollywood, trolley car